I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
