party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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