i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
