when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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