just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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