Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize