He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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