worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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