I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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