didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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