yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
