She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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