call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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