At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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