Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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