Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
