FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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