he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
