The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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