I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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