the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
