is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
