Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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