can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
