The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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