the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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