I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
