oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
