saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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