i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
