did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
