Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
