Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
