After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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