And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
