I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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