Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
