im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
