Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
