Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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