I have demons in me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
