you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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