chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"