I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!