I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"