addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
