life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT