It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
