i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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