Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
