Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
