so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
