wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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