Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
