I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
