Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
