so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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