You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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