just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
