This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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