Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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You're like the curious george of whores
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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