do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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