my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
