I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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