i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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