I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
foreskin is a definite game changer
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
