so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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