yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
