Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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