you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
